I was extremely fortunate to have great coaching from little league through high school. My dad, Terry, is highly responsible for that. Terry coached me in T-Ball, Little League, Pee Wee football, and high school football and baseball. While this might set the stage for a “psycho dad” situation, he is an IHSA Hall of Fame football coach and was an Illinois High School Baseball Coaches Association Assistant Coach of the Year. So, yeah, he knows what he’s doing.
When I got to Downers Grove South, a school of 3,200 students, I was elated to be part of the football program. Head Coach John Belskis had a string of 12 straight conference championships and 6A playoff appearances. His program was built on discipline, dedication, and mental toughness. It was run like the military: no long hair, no earrings, 6:30am summer camp. “Yes” and “Yes, sir” were the only acceptable answers — “Yeah” meant extra punishment running after practice. It was preached that by focusing on little details, our discipline would be our weapon. And, DGS could “out discipline” everyone else.
This all sounds great, but how were they able to get the kids to buy in? With five IHSA Hall of Fame coaches — John Belskis, Terry Kent, Jack McInerney, Terry McCombs, Tim Mash — we had one of the smartest staffs in the state. We were always prepared. Our practice week was structured around what our opponent might do to us on Friday night. Review the scouting report, practice, watch film, correct mistakes, repeat. The players, while not knowing it at the time, were exposed to high level coaching, scouting, and teaching. Our routine reinforced our discipline.
DGS is where I learned the importance of being first. First in line for drills. First one to practice. First one in the weight room. First to study film. First to be accountable. First to lead. First to take advantage of an opportunity. This matured into first to step up and perform at a pro tryout camp. First to offer to catch a bullpen. First to congratulate a pitcher on his nasty curveball. Being first demonstrates leadership; being last demonstrates laziness.
I also learned the importance of time management and sacrifice. The summer of 1995, my first full summer of DGS varsity football and baseball, was pretty loaded. I had football camp from 6:30am-10am; Driver’s Ed from 11am-2pm; summer league baseball doubleheaders from 3pm-6pm; and football 7-on-7 from 7pm-9pm. Get home, go to sleep. Wake up the next day, repeat. I felt like Bo Jackson — and loved it!
DGS sports were a huge commitment, but they kept me out of trouble and taught me about what the expectations were to be great. Many of my friends loved sports but didn’t like the commitment, so they quit and spent their time doing other things that kids do. Not me. My priorities were always football and baseball. I was willing to sacrifice my social life and my summer vacation, attempting to be the best player I could be.
Now, 20 years later, I am grateful to have had the experience. The same discipline I learned at DGS helped me at the University of Iowa, University of Nebraska, and with the Chicago White Sox. The higher the playing level, the more physical abilities even out. Everyone is big, strong, and fast. My mentality separated me. My work ethic, drive, and willingness to make sacrifices kept me around. (Being a coaches kid probably helped too.) I am proud to be a product of such great coaching, and I owe the foundation of my makeup to my DGS experiences. Thanks to all my high school coaches that helped me on my journey!
Tony Williams is the owner of Rebel Sport and Fitness, located at 842 N. California in Chicago’s Ukranian Village neighborhood. He has been teaching me Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu since 2008. In addition to being a BJJ black belt under Carlson Gracie Jr., Tony also played football at the University of Wisconsin and is one of the strongest pound-for-pound trainers I have ever met. His training style is a mixture of sports performance, corrective, and overall ass-kicking. I will stop what I’m doing to watch Tony when he’s training himself.
Brian Kent: You started your BJJ journey in college. As a football player and BJJ practitioner, how did BJJ help you as a football player; and how did playing football help your BJJ?
Tony Williams: Well, playing football definitely helped me in many ways that continue to this day. Playing at a Division I program taught me how to be a serious athlete. It gave me an understanding of the time that must be invested and the effort and strain required to succeed. The strength and conditioning of football gave me confidence and an athletic edge when it came to BJJ. Mentally and physically I would say there was a definitive advantage from the experience of football.
Conversely, BJJ assisted me in football in more unseen ways. For one, it taught me a different way of appreciating leverage and technique verse athleticism. It was a natural extension of the technical focus I was receiving in football. Good technique could out do good talent. BJJ constantly reinforces this over and over.
BJJ also helped me spiritually while I was playing or not playing football to be more exact. I was very frustrated that I was not playing very much on my team. It was a really hard pill to swallow at times. BJJ came to me at a time when I was wanting to prove myself. It fed my competitive fire and gave me something to excel at and build my confidence. It was my secret weapon that none of my teammates had and that gave me a mental edge that I was on a different level.
The irony is, if I had been playing more, I may not have had the interest to start BJJ. This is the beauty of BJJ in that reflects life and all its uncertainty and ups and downs. You will tap… You will be tapped!!
BK: You and I are quite similar. I completely understand how BJJ can give you a mental edge; I got back into martial arts for the exact same reason. Also, my college playing career did not go how I planned, and I too, needed an outlet.
Football players are taught to explode through their opponents, to physically dominate someone. BJJ is the “gentle art,” to use as little force as is required. As a hybrid, how do you blend what you learned from Coach Barry Alvarez and Carlson Gracie (Sr. and Jr.)?
TW: I actually believe both football and BJJ are more similar than different. You could argue that behind all the violence of football, there is a ton of finesse and subtlety. The same patience a running back has before exploding through a hole is much the same as setting up an arm bar then exploding to the finish.
BJJ is the gentle art but it certainly isn’t ballet. Both BJJ and football require “smart physicality.” I can run full speed down the field to tackle a punt returner, and if I don’t slow down and measure up the tackle, he’ll likely make one move and make me miss. So I must be smart in technique and aggression at the point of decision. With BJJ, I can see an opportunity for an arm bar, get 90% of the move locked in, but if I don’t time my technique and aggression, my opponent will escape at the very end.
Both sports also emphasize attacking aggressively but patiently. Not every drive scores a touchdown, and not every submission attempt gets a tap. So I’ve learned to not see my sport endeavors as differing. Rather I look for common denominators that tie them together.
BK: Once again, I completely agree — you’d think we were friends or something! Being under control on the field and on the mat is crucial; knowing when to be patient and when to be aggressive is a must. Football and BJJ are more alike than they are different.
What about your workouts? How do your organize your personal workouts and what type of body goals do you have for yourself?
TW: Workout wise my goal is to improve my BJJ performance. Therefore, I still very much train like an athlete as opposed to training for looks. Much of my training is inspired by Louie Simmons of Westside Barbell, Chris Doyle from the University of Iowa, and John Dettman from the University of Wisconsin. The Westside system has had a tremendous influence on how I train myself and other athletes alike. I do two workouts per week in a workout group. This is critical to eliciting your best performance. Good training partners to either push you, chase you, motivate you, piss you off, whatever… The social aspect of the weight room is certainly cultivated playing football.
There is no cookie cutter approach but the tenants of my training are:
- 1-day of max effort weight training per week. Simple goal of increasing strength and the skill of displaying it. Generally we max in deadlifts.
- 1-day of dynamic effort speed weight training. Here we use bands and chains in conjunction with Olympic weightlifting to work on power and speed strength. Many types of squats and pulls with bands and chains.
- Conjugate planning in which we rotate many variations of big exercises and constantly work on weaknesses through smaller movements.
- A good bit of metabolic work via kettlebells, sled work, varying high intensity cardio.
- A whole mess of BJJ training. Generally 3-5x per week. ALWAYS a lot of sparring!
- 1-2 more small workouts per week. This may include a max effort attempt in a single exercise or extra work in a few areas.
Due to Louie Simmons, I’m relearning to train the muscles responsible for movements, not just the movements by themselves. Dare I say it but it’s the “b” word… Bodybuilding! Functional bodybuilding!
This methodology has taken my current training to a much higher level. I get stronger in lifts by actually doing the lifts less. The constant exercise rotation is much more stimulating to me physiologically. The max effort training carries over to sport better than anything because basically everything in sport is max effort. Learning how to express all my effort, strength, and power when I want to is certainly a weapon when it comes to my BJJ. Play possum… play tiger!
BK: And that sir, is why you are pound-for-pound one of the strongest people I know. I was once told in confidentiality, by one of your fellow black belts, that you are the strongest 185-190 pound practitioner in the BJJ community. I think he was feeling sorry for me because I roll with you regularly, but a compliment all the same. Final question: What advice does 39-year old Tony give to 18-year old Tony as he prepares to jump on the roller coaster that is Division I, Big Ten football?
TW: Oh man! I would tell him to never confuse effort with results…. Deliver results with unquestioned effort. Uncompromising effort is the lowest common denominator to great success. Have no fear and don’t settle. See the big picture. Be bold and be relentless.
Baseball is a humbling sport. It is a game of failure and frustration that can be mentally debilitating. Only in baseball are the best offensive players successful 30% of the time. Only in baseball do the best players go through stretches of their job where they perform terribly; where it’s common to have a bad month or two at work.
I was skeptical of the 2016 Chicago Cubs. While they won 103 regular season games and were the best team in baseball, they were never really challenged. They ran away with the division and made it look easy. Aside from struggling before the All-Star break—playing 43 games in 45 days contributed to that—there was not much adversity. Yes, Kyle Schwarber blew out his knee in the first week, but the Cubs managed to do just fine without him. Their roster was deep enough to cover Schwarber’s absence (which is a huge credit to their caliber of player).
What would happen in October? What would happen against the National League’s best, when everyone’s butthole gets a little tighter? Could they maintain their dominant ways? Could they handle the pressure? Regular season records are meaningless in the Postseason. The Carolina Panthers had the NFL’s best record and lost the Super Bowl. The Golden State Warriors had the best record in NBA history and lost in the Finals. The best team is replaced by the team playing the best—which makes it so exciting to watch. The Cubs were the best team in baseball, but could they maintain their dominance under the October lights?
I thought the San Francisco Giants would give the Cubs the most trouble. The Giants, winners of the World Series in 2010, 2012, and 2014, are still built to win now. Cubs won the series, 3-1. I thought the Los Angeles Dodgers had a chance up 2-1. Cubs won the series 4-2. The Cubs found ways to win and different players stepped up to carry the team. A home run by Jake Arrietta off Madison Bumgardner. (Pitcher on pitcher crime!) Great defense by Javy Baez. A game-tying home run by David Ross. A pinch-hit, 0-2 grand slam by Miguel Montero. Kyle Hendricks outdueling Clayton Kershaw. This was a team, that when their superstars were struggling, had their teammates pick them up.
Enter the American League champion Cleveland Indians. They steamrolled the Boston Red Sox and Toronto Blue Jays, and if any city is as championship-starved as Chicago, it’s Cleveland. But, with UFC heavyweight champ (and Cleveland resident) Stipe Miocic winning the title earlier in the spring, and the Cleveland Cavaliers coming back from a 3-1 deficit to be NBA champs this summer, was it possible the sports gods were perched above Cleveland in 2016? Were cosmic forces once again rallying against the Cubs? Could Chief Wahoo finally win a World Series?
We know what happened. In what was equivalent to a 7-round heavyweight title fight, the Indians took rounds 1, 3, and 4 while the Cubs took rounds 2, 5, and 6; setting up what would be an epic Game 7. The Cubs took an early lead; the Indians answered right back. The Cubs added on; the Indians stayed within striking distance. Although the Cubs hung onto the lead in the late innings, there was a feeling that anything could still happen. In the bottom of the 8th, Rajai Davis hit a 2-out, 2-run home run to tie the game and ignite the Cleveland crowd. It also ripped the hearts out of Cubs fans.
Momentum shifted to the Indians. The Cubs were done. Aroldis Chapmann and Addison Russell were crying. While the game was still tied, it was a forgone conclusion that Cleveland would win. 108 years of heart-wrenching memories came flooding back to the real Cubs fans. This is how Cubs baseball is traditionally played: they find ways to lose. In 1969 the Cubs blew a big September lead and watched the Amazing Mets take the NL East. In 1984, the Cubs saw a 2-0 NLCS lead over the Padres evaporate. In the 1989 NLCS, they were steamrolled by the Giants. In the 1998 NLDS, they were swept by the Braves. In 2003, after beating the Braves in the NLDS, they were up 3-1 over the Marlins and 5 outs away from the World Series. We all know what happened. In the 2007 NLDS, they were swept by the Diamondbacks. In the 2008 NLDS, they were swept by the Dodgers. In 2015, after beating the rival Pirates and Cardinals, they were swept by the Mets in the NLCS.
Billy goat curses. Black cats. Bartman. Wait Until Next Year. It’s Gonna Happen. In Dusty We Trusty. Lovable Losers. The Cubs have been the laughingstock of baseball for 108 years, and there was every reason to believe it would extend to 109. But, this is not your great-great grandfather’s Cubs team. This is a team of fighters. Both Jon Lester and Anthony Rizzo—team leaders to say the least—are cancer survivors. If two Cubs can beat cancer, then a team of Cubs can weather the stress of a Cleveland comeback.
Somehow, the baseball gods forced a 17-minute rain delay, as if to say, “HEY! Get your fucking shit together!” So, Jason Heyward called an impromptu team meeting—earning his paycheck and free Chicago meals for life—and they did get their shit together. The Cubs won Game 7 and are World Series champions.
This is bigger than baseball. This is about achieving what was once thought to be unachievable; about giving hope to the hopeless; about rewarding the loyal. It is the single biggest event Chicago has ever seen and we should all be proud to have witnessed it. Thank you, Cubs, for reminding the sports world that Chicago is a city of champions. It happened.
I hate to admit it, but there are some lifts that I suck at. I still do them, or variations of them, but nothing about my performance is impressive. All these exercises have their place in a balanced workout program, and it is important to work on weaknesses, so I still do them. Just not very well. Here, in no particular order, are 3 exercises I suck at…
#1. Barbell Bench Press
If by admitting that I suck at bench press you want to rip up my Man Card, fine, I will accept the consequences. Barbell bench press is a program pillar for most dudes, especially ones that love pushing weight from Point A to Point B. My max bench press occurred in 1998, when I did 240lbs three times. Not impressive.
But, as an athlete, bench press is overrated. There is no sport that has players on their back pushing a stable load off their chest. (If you wanted to argue that grappling has an element of the bench pressing motion when competitors push people off them from their backs, I would agree with you. But, in a grappling match the load is unstable and the competitors are in constant motion.) Bench press is a great way to build upper body strength; it is a great way to have T-shirt-popping-pecs; but it is not a functional movement for athletes. Instead, I prefer a variety of push-ups, single-arm DB bench press, or a standing single-arm cable chest press. While these substitutions will not impress the meatheads, they do help with coordination and unilateral strength.
I love most body weight exercises, and pull-ups fit right into that category. I’m just not good at them. As a kid in elementary school gym class, I did not have the upper body strength to haul my large ass up to the bar. (Too much glute-gravity dragging me down!) I watched skinnier kids crank out numerous pull-ups and wondered how they were so strong and why I was so weak.
But, I have addressed my weakness by concentrating on various grips and angles to build up this upper-body-vertical-pull-pattern. I did my first real, dead hang pull-up at 26-years old. Of course, I could swing, kick and use many other momentum building movements to cheat, and sometimes there is merit to that. But, I am talking about a dead hang pull-up–my definition of a pull-up. I do them, I just can’t do that many in a row.
On a good day and with a favorable grip, I can do eight dead hang pull-ups in a row. Pull-ups are a maximal strength movement for me, so I try to do multiple sets of around 5 to make sure I get the greatest reward for my effort.
#3. Barbell Squat
Sucking at barbell squats might come as a surprise, since squatting is part of all athletic programs. Throughout high school and college I could always move heavy weight, but something about squatting 300+ pounds just didn’t feel right. It wasn’t until I became NASM certified in 2006 that I was able to do a kinetic chain self-analysis. I had two major problems with my squat pattern: 1. My big ass resulted in a posterior pelvic tilt (refer to ass problems above in pull-ups). 2. As a catcher, I spent my life in a crouch/squat with my weight on the balls of my feet.
The pelvic-tilt-plus-balls-of-my feet-reality meant I transferred my catcher squat into my barbell squat. I had a real hard time driving through my heels on a barbell squat, and a harder time firing my glutes. I was also too flexed at the spine. As a result, my squat was inefficient. Instead of using all the muscles in my legs and my core, I was only using some of them. My quads looked great but my butt cheeks were soft and floppy. I also found that my squat pattern improved without a barbell on my back. By focusing on cleaning up the movement pattern from the ground up, I was able to address some glaring weaknesses and build a better foundation.
While I will occasionally do barbell squats, I prefer single-leg squats, or jump squats. I do not like putting a loaded barbell on my back (or my clients’ back) because we can achieve the same result–stronger legs–without compressing the spine.
Barbell bench press. Pull-ups. Barbell squat. While we could argue that these three lifts are Kryptonite for me, I still work on them to improve my movement patterns. It is important to address weaknesses but since I am not training to become a bench press champion, there are other ways to work the same chest muscles in a more favorable way. Even though I suck, I still work at it.
Feel free to heckle me next time you see me struggling with a wimpy bench press.
At the end of May, Nike welcomed the grand opening of their Nike Community Store on historic Woodward Avenue in downtown Detroit. As a Community Store, the emphasis is on having employees that live in the area plus a Nike Community Ambassador Program — which is a volunteer aspect for Detroit youth. When I was asked to be part of the team to take a “road trip” and bring Nike Training to Detroit, my answer was HELL YES!
Chicago and Detroit have a long history together, aside from being Great Lakes neighbors. Their sports teams are fierce rivals. Bears vs. Lions; Blackhawks vs. Red Wings; Bulls vs. Pistons; and White Sox vs. Tigers are all match-ups fans love. From the Pistons refusing to shake the Bulls hands after the 1990 Eastern Conference Finals, to the Bears inability to tackle Barry Sanders and defend Calvin Johnson, to the Hawks/Wings Original Six rivalry, to the White Sox/Tigers winning back to back World Series in ’05-’06, Chicago and Detroit go back a long way. But, we have more in common than the stadium drunks chanting “Detroit Sucks!” would have you believe.
In 1871, Chicago burned to the ground. Chicagoans built it back. In 2013, Detroit filed for bankruptcy, the final dagger in a decades long die-a-slow-death process. In essence, Detroit too, has burned to the ground. Can Detroitians build it back? If anyone knows what it takes to rebuild a world-class city, it’s Chicago. That is why Nike Chicago teamed up with Nike Detroit to kick off their Nike Training Club and Nike Running Club experience. Bret Gornik, Kenna Sullivan, and I flew to the 313 in early June to lead the NTC portion.
We marched into downtown Detroit without seeing our work space; without knowing any of the community/people we would be training; and not knowing what kind of equipment we would have available. As much as we planned beforehand, we were ready to audible if the situation called for it. Cadillac Square Park was our host location and Detroit welcomed us with open arms. As is usual with Nike events, numerous people are on site, hustling to make sure the best possible consumer experience is provided.
Our job was to execute a Friday night NTC workout, followed by a Saturday morning NTC/Youth Athletes doubleheader. With NTC, we emphasized the importance of a progressive warmup as we wanted everyone’s body prepared to move. We then broke into groups for bodyweight/athletic-themed training. With Youth Athletes, our focus was on keeping the kids moving while following directions and controlling their body in space. Both Bret and Kenna were great at leading their group. They brought energy and discipline to their stations, while being able to make on-site adjustments. Great job Bret and Kenna!
Detroit was very gracious for our help. The consumers were constantly thanking us for our time, taking pictures, and enjoying the experience for as long as possible. There was a certain hustle to Cadillac Square Park, and it looked like Detroit was on the rebound. Hopefully Nike can lead the charge because Detroit Never Stops.
“You only get one shot / Do not miss your chance to blow / This opportunity comes once in a lifetime” — Eminem
When I left Iowa, I had no idea where I would be playing baseball. Like football, I wanted to challenge myself at the top collegiate level and I wanted to be at a school that emphasized strength and conditioning (I secretly wanted to play football again). After shopping around, my three finalists were the University of Alabama-Birmingham, the University of Memphis, and University of Nebraska.
Growing up in the Midwest, we get accustomed to a certain version of the English language that we all understand. Heading to the South for UAB and Memphis was a whole new world. The southern drawls were so difficult for me to understand that I thought paying attention academically would be too challenging. Not to sound ethnocentric, but I had a hard time communicating. Realistically, I had no idea what they were saying. That left Nebraska as the last school standing.
I played summer ball with a teammate that pitched in Lincoln. He spoke highly of their new coach so I was familiar with the program. On my visit, the facility tour was spectacular. Thanks to the football program’s national championships, all athletic facilities were first class. At Iowa, each sport had their own weight room, with football having the biggest and best. At Nebraska, their Cosco-sized weight room was for all sports. And, their Husker Power system was the best in the country. This was a program I could take pride in.
Coach Dave Van Horn told my dad and me that he wanted athletes in his program, not just baseball players. His goal was to put the best players on the field, regardless of scholarship or walk-on status. Coach Van Horn also told me that since I had been a Division I football player with good high school baseball credentials, I was the type of athlete he was looking for. He would put me on the roster without ever having seen me play.
Coach Van Horn sold me on his program and I was all in. But, since I had been committed to college football the previous year I needed to be sure I was in baseball shape. I needed to get my timing down and my arm ready. My new teammates were coming back to school after spending their summers in elite college summer leagues, so I needed to step it up. I wanted my first impression to show that I belonged and that I was ready for BIG XII baseball.
With Batman V Superman a few days from the grand opening, it is time to make a case for why The Dark Knight is such a fitness badass. Since I was a kid, I have loved Batman more than any other superhero. I watched the crappy Adam West series, all the SuperFriends cartoons, plus the Batman movies and animated shows. I cried when Robin died in the Death in the Family graphic novel. I love Batman.
We all know the story. After his billionaire parents were murdered, Bruce Wayne inherits their wealth but is self-tormented by being an orphan. He embarks on a lifelong mission of learning martial arts, criminology and every other aspect of crime fighting. Bruce is a gymnast, acrobat and ninja all rolled in one; all in an effort to protect Gotham City.
According to dccomics.com, “Batman is the most feared superhero of all, because he’s pushed himself to the absolute pinnacle of human achievement. He’s a brilliant detective who’s mastered fighting techniques the world’s barely heard of. An Olympic-caliber athlete with a plan for every occasion, Batman’s seemingly always five steps ahead of his foes.”
It is this exact dedication that makes Batman the most fit superhero. Batman is an Olympic-caliber athlete that chose to fight crime. If he chose sport, he has the mental discipline and physical skill to compete in gymnastics, boxing, wrestling, judo, taekwondo and fencing. “Olympic-caliber” means “best in the world” and few of us are fortunate enough to be best in the world in anything. Batman is Olympic-caliber in six sports. These are skills he has put the work into; the skills he spent decades physically learning. There were no shortcuts; no magic pills; no special treatment. He went out and got it.
Sure, all the superheroes are fit (as superheroes should be). But, Superman is an alien from another planet. Spider-Man was bit by a radioactive spider. Captain America was injected with a super serum (aka steroids). Wolverine is a mutant. All these other guys were either born with or “accidentally” found their skills. Batman went out and earned his and he is alone in this category.
Batman is self made (aside from his inheritance). He is just a normal dude that decided to be great. Batman has no super powers — he just works harder than everyone else. His drive to constantly push himself is inspirational. Anyone, with enough grit and resources, could be Batman. Anyone could seek out instructors that push their pupils to the physical and mental edge of perfection. Anyone could choose to channel their pain into an obsession. Anyone could apply Batman’s discipline.
**You could argue that The Punisher is in the same fitness category as Batman. For those that don’t know, The Punisher is also a superhero with no super powers; but honed his skills as an elite USMC. However, while The Punisher has many similar physical attributes, he is constantly drawn and portrayed smoking a cigarette or cigar. This automatically disqualifies him from being the most fit superhero.
I am the owner of a large ass. It’s been that way all my life. Kids used to tease me about it, but since I could not physically see what they were talking about, their taunts had little effect. (Ghetto booty; juicy booty; bubble butt; Mr. Hue Jass — I have heard them all.) The teasing was friendly but constant, and it wasn’t until watching old home movies as an adult that I could see how big my butt was as a kid. For most of my childhood, I basically had an adult-sized ass on a kid-sized body. It’s a miracle I didn’t have major hip or back problems because kid pelvises are not supposed to support adult asses. Thankfully, I grew to 6’2″ so my butt looks more proportional.
Genetics play a large role in my large ass. Kent Family ass-lineage is well documented. My dad has a big butt, and I’m sure his dad had a big butt too. The Kent genes may have a problem fitting in jeans, but our butts are not created equal. While my dad’s ass is more 3D square-shaped, mine is more like two basketballs glued together. We’ve broken our fair share of chairs over the years and have a hard time sitting together on the couch. Now that you have a small glimpse of where I’m coming from, here are three negatives of having a big butt.
1. Pants Often Rip
I blow the ass out of a lot of pants. It started in high school. Most squat patterns in the weight room were followed by a huge ripping sound. What was that noise? Did I tear something? Herniated disc? Blown out ACL? Nope, what blew out was my underpants. While comical at first, this pattern has frequently repeated itself over the years. I have ripped my pants dynamic stretching, demonstrating lunges for a client, foam rolling, picking up my dog, picking up my daughter, and bending down to tie my shoes. While this may sound hilarious, you are probably asking “How tight are your pants, bro?” Trust me, I am not a skinny-pants-wearing-kinda-guy. These blowouts are because of one reason: maximum gluteus maximus.
I am so familiar with the ripped pants procedure that my tailor laughs every time I bring in the aforementioned evidence. Like a regular ordering a meal at a neighborhood diner, he asks, “the usual?” Yes, Carlos, the usual. And reinforce the crotch, will ya?!?
2. Pants Shopping Sucks
As a kid, I dreaded having to try on jeans whenever my mom would take me shopping. I would be in the fitting room with piles of all different styles of jeans (because, hey, you never know which ones will fit) trying to comprehend why jean sizes were not universal. There is no joy in this process, just anger and an afternoon wasted. How could it be so hard to find pants that fit? Why do I have to sacrifice a full day to find proper pants? Am I the only one with this problem?
I tried to leave this childhood pain behind me, but a few years ago I received a gift card to Kenneth Cole. As a stylish young man, I thought I’d get a swanky pair of jeans. I realized way too late that I have no business pants-shopping in Kenneth Cole. As in, someone should have stopped me at the entrance, analyzed my frame, and said, “Sir, we don’t serve your kind here.” After a vigorous effort trying to squeeze into way-too-tight pants, I bought a sweater and promptly left.
3. Will I Fit In That Seat?
I am an avid CTA rider and take public transportation about 98% of the time. Because I am usually riding at non-rush hour times, seats are plentiful. But, there is occasionally the instance where the bus is crowded and I will have to sit with someone. I have noticed many smaller-butt riders slide right into any open seat without hesitation. I, however, have to take into account a couple of important factors:
*How big is the other person’s butt? If it’s as big or bigger than mine, forget about it. I need the seat’s maximum square footage and cannot afford someone’s butt spilling into my seat. By definition, personal space is uniquely personal. My seat if for my butt only. If my neighbor’s butt stays in its seat, we’re good. If it crosses over the imaginary yet well-known dividing line into my seat, it looks like I’m standing for the commute because I don’t want your butt touching me.
*Did Sir Issac Newton really know what the hell he was talking about? If two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time, and I shove my butt into an open seat in-between two bigger butts, do our three big butts upset the laws of physics? Is it possible, using Tetris-style maneuvering, that our asses can be in perfect geometric alignment? Or, does having three huge butts in a tight space tilt the Earth off its axis, thus dooming mankind forever?
These are my 5am decisions.
As you can see, life with a big butt is not as glamorous as Kim Kardashian makes it out to be. Most of us have daily fights with our pants, and we lose more than we win. Most of us wonder if that skinny bar stool will do its job and hold us up. Most of us have a tailor on speed dial. And, most of us stress over putting our seat into a CTA seat.
On the positive side, we all sit a little prouder when we hear Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back.” It has become an anthem for those of us with a big booty. So shake it. Shake it. Shake it. Shake it. Shake that healthy butt!
Once again, Nike put together a major league workout experience. As you may have heard, Nike encouraged all athletes to #GetOutHere, embrace the elements, and take their winter workouts outside. Similar to the #TrainChicago summer warehouse, Nike built a barge on the Chicago River to host the event. The #GetOutHere promotion concluded December 13th with an event that recruited 48 high-level athletes to compete in various fitness challenges.
As a baseball and football player that grew up in Chicagoland, I am used to playing and practicing in crappy weather conditions. Fall/winter/spring are often interchangeable (sometimes in the same day!) so we have to be ready for everything. But, as good coaches often preach, the conditions are equally crappy for both teams. Dropping a ball because it’s “cold” is unacceptable. As players, our job is the same whether it’s 90° and humid, 75° and sunny, or 38° and rainy: go out and perform well. This mentality allows us to focus on what we can control (our actions) rather than what we cannot control (weather conditions). It’s better to just battle your opponent; not your opponent and the weather.
With this mentality in mind, Nike hosted outdoor November workouts across the city. We trained in Grant Park, Lincoln Park, and Northerly Island. We trained in the mud; in goose poop; and in the cold. We used November to set the tone for December and create an environment that embraced outdoor training. We used the conditions to our advantage by dressing appropriately (hello, Hyperwarm!) and getting our work in, regardless of the temperature.
The barge went live in December, and it looked like Nike’s outdoor version of the Water Cube from the Beijing Olympics. Plus, it was a VIP party atmosphere right in the loop. Nightclub lights? Check. Live DJ? Check. Random people walking by taking pictures? Check. For one week, the intersection of Wacker and Wabash was the headquarters of the Nike universe.
The “Final 48” was a unique experience. The contestants stayed at the Chicago Athletic Association Hotel; were outfitted in all new Nike gear; had a team dinner/introductions at Soldier Field; and were treated like professional athletes — which some of them were. They raved about the first class treatment and were grateful for the opportunity.
The Get Out Here event was amazing and Nike knocked it out of the park. But, even though the Challenge ended, winter training continues. The cold is calling, are you prepared to answer the call?
Like many high school seniors, I had no clue where I wanted to go to college. I knew I wanted to keep playing sports in the Big Ten Conference and earn a scholarship. Football seemed like a better choice because they are a 100% full ride sport. Baseball is a partial scholarship sport, but I probably had a better future as a catcher than a fullback. Could I get Division I offers? Which sport? Throw in the usual questions like: are my grades good enough? Does anyone want me? Where the hell is Iowa on the map? and we have ourselves a stressful situation.
Football? Baseball? Both? I loved them both equally and was a stubborn kid, so giving up one sport in favor of the other was unacceptable. Giving up both and being a regular student was ludicrous. I thought tracking all my recruiting letters for both sports might help guide me, so I had a 5×7 index card with a line drawn down the middle. Football on the left, baseball on the right. Each time a new school sent me mail I would write it down with a tally mark. Clearly, whoever sent me the most mail was the most interested, right? The leaders were the University of Iowa (football) and the University of Illinois-Chicago (baseball).
UIC had no football team and I wanted to go away for college, so they were out. Iowa, with their distinct black and yellow uniforms, Big Ten presence, and close, 3-hour drive from home was in. In the meantime, I started to get recruited by the baseball team as well. Could this be the perfect situation?
On my first visit to Iowa City in the spring of 1997, the football coaches told me they would not be offering any scholarships to fullbacks but wanted me to walk-on. The famous Chuck Long, their former star quarterback and Chicagoland recruiter, showed me around the football complex and talked about the commitment required to be a Hawkeye. I was sold. Coach Long also said he knew the baseball team was equally interested in me, so both programs would be willing to work together.
As I was shuffled off to visit with Coach Duane Banks and the baseball team, Coach Banks told me I was one of three catchers they were considering offering a scholarship to. (Fun fact, two of those guys ended up going elsewhere.) Coach Banks said although he wanted me all to himself, he respected Coach Long’s request for me to play football and would give me a year to play both sports. Then, I had to decide.
I was sold again. If I could play one year of college football before settling on baseball — at my preferred Big Ten school — I might be at peace giving up football. I’m all in!
Two short months later, Coach Banks was fired. There was no scholarship offer. I was already accepted to the university and committed to the football program, so it was too late to back out. Coach Banks told me that if the new coach was hired from within the program, our arrangement would still be valid (albeit without a scholarship).
In the fall of 1997, I arrived in Iowa City with mononucleosis. My weight dropped to 183 pounds and I sat out for 6 weeks. I was one of the smallest guys on the entire team, not to mention in the running back room. The baseball program promoted Scott Broghamer to the head job, but contrary to Coach Banks’ reassurance, Broghamer told me since I was on the football team, I was a football player and not a baseball player. There was no room on the Iowa baseball team for me.
After a redshirt year of mono, scout team, winter conditioning, and spring football, it was time to find a new baseball home. Did the firing of Coach Banks forever alter my baseball future? Could I recover after a year away from baseball? Tune in again; same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!